Hypnotherapy Potential

Adaptation not Balance!
Greetings from Doc Judie
I just listened to a series by Carolyn Myss, a favorite medical intuitive. Carolyn talks about the archetypes, the l6 basic personality traits (both enlightened and shadows) which are used in the Myer Briggs personality sorter. This is not anything new, it goes back to Plato, a way of classifying people's basic traits.  It is a start, but I do not like to pigeonhole people, even when I do administer personality tests, I explain that "this is the answer today, it can change in different situations." Carolyn really was down on "new age theories" of wanting it all, all about me, bringing more stuff to me,me,me and I think she is right.
After awhile the terms, I owe it to my self, I deserve it, I will bring it all to me gets a little boring and shallow.
Carolyn's message was never to think you can be in balance, the world is not a balancing act, but ups and downs. Rather take a "Mother Theresa stance" and make do. Get out of yourself and start thinking about other people, the earth is a big family and everyone needs the basics of life.  The other message was to stop thinking that "life should be good to you," Carolyn went on to say "what makes you think you are so special that you will never get sick, lose a love one, go broke, or prolong life.  It may all work out that way, but often it does not, it is random chance with the best of planning. So acceptance really helps the psyche when things do not work in our favor.  It does not mean you accept bad health, losing your home and never aging. It means you accept the condition as it is and then do something about it.  It may work out, or it may not.

For me it is fighting the aging process.  I am mildly vain, I exercise, swim, hike, color my hair and wear makeup.  It makes me feel better.  I don't mind the wrinkles, and I can put up with the extra pounds, but losing my strength to garden and pick up my grand babies makes me crazy!  So I do what I can, and then accept the fact that I am close to 70 years old.
I incorporate my new outlook by reading the poem called Desiderata, hope you like it.

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"! -- see below

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Strive to be happy.
Doc Judie
775 7823889 judie@docjudie.com

Breaking Gridlock (couples therapy) through hypnosis

Greetings from Doc Judie,
I am winding up a series of articles which outline the bookThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.  This chapter always had my couples perking up because it touches every relationship; what do you do in a gridlock when neither side will give in. It can be over a series of events; some huge issues and some small ones.  The first task is to look at the issue at hand and move the standoff to dialog.  Whether the issue is really a big deal such as which religion will you pass on to your children, or as silly as how to fold the socks, it is usually a reflection that your dreams for your life have not been addressed or respected by each other. (think of dreams as hopes, aspirations, your identity and what gives purpose and meaning to your life. Most dreams have roots in the past.  For instance if making money is very important to one partner, but not the other, it could be the way they were individually raised.  One may feel the need for security, and the other may feel that money will always be there. Why does one partner love to eat out, and the other hates going to restaurants?  One experience could represent a treat because growing up, there was no money, they never ate out as a family.  The other may have been raised by working parents who were never home and always ate out with the kids or brought home fast food or take out. So talk about your past and see where these serious and not so serious issues come from. When either spouse doesn't fully appreciate the importance of supporting his or her partner's dreams, gridlock is almost inevitable.  You don't have to agree, that is not always the outcome, but you do have to listen and understand why the other person reacts.
Using a hypnotherapy script for breaking gridlock:
I recently had a couple with a very common problem, they had different "clocks" in their head.  One told time by the second hand, "I'll pick you up outside of the school year at exactly 3:p.m. The other told time "ish" I'll be there around 3 ish...it could be 3:00, 3:15, or 3:30.  So when one partner would say:"There is a birthday party coming up for your daughter and I expect you to show up. In her head, she expected her partner to "know that the party started at 4:00 and he should be there before dinner and presents, no later than 4:30.  That did not mean a thing to the other spouse.  He was at work and thought everything was under control.  It did not seem important to him to arrive before 6:00 to sing happy birthday and load everything in the car. So they had to go into each other's world.

Relax my partner and friend, I want to talk to you about the way I tell time.  I know that we fight constantly about you being so lax and me being so uptight and today lets promise to have this argument for the last time.  I will not ask you to be "on time" when it is not important, but I will be very specific and I will write the time and the date in your calender when you have to be there and you cannot be late.  This will cover school activities for the kids, doctor appointments, and date night for going to the movies.  Yes, it wrecks the whole night for me when you are late.  The spouse responded with gratitude.  In trance he was grateful as he had a very creative job and often his drawings went overtime, he had a habit of losing time.  The calender was a great reminder that he had to pay attention and he would look at the calender every day and make sure he did not miss an appointment with his spouse.  He did not miss appointments with his clients because they were marked in his calender.  She went into his concrete world, and he did not "assume" that he should know something was important. Only "important things" were writen down in the calender.  They both promised to write dates and respect them, they also agreed not to put trivial things on the calender.  The compromise sounded like a good idea to the both of them on a subconscious and conscious level.

So look at your dreams, your gridlock and see where they originate.  You may be surprised as dreams often sneak up or are hidden.  Many couples claim "they don't want children, but seven years into the marriage, one partner feels empty and years for a baby.  Don't keep your dreams and your aspirations hidden, they are what defines you and need to be discussed and either resolved, compromised and respected. You may be amazed at the outcome, Go for discussion to break your gridlock.

Here's to your happy relationships
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com
775 782-3889

Money $ Love and Marriage

Greetings from Doc Judie

On this series of finding out how couples can be happy, it is time to put the heart and flowers aside for a few minutes and talk about money. Besides sex, talking about money is a taboo subject.  Most young couples start out with "what is mine is yours" most older couples who have married before usually have a different approach.  There is not a right or wrong, this is not about pre-nubs vs sharing everything, but it is about communication and how both of you feel about money.  What does it mean to you? Are you a spender or a saver? How does your view point about money affect you as a couple, do you discuss it?  Don't keep money secrets from each other, remember the money belongs to both of you.  Your life together is a business, and both of you are equal partners.  Remember Gottman's words about "equal power" if it is not shared, 80% of marriages will blow!  So share the pennies and build up the dollars together. Most reports on money are that couples earn much more than they ever would as a single person. The average for a single person is around $25,000 as a couple it jumps to over $100,000...this could be fantastic news if you are both rowing in the same direction. So if you are a "nerd" the saver, or the "free spirit" the spender, get it together.  I have borrowed from Dave Ramsey, I don't always agree with his political savvy, but i love his spin on money as I am more of the free spirit type.  I always feel that I have enough and should shower the rest on my kids, my grandchildren, and my friends.  However, as I am getting past the mid-age mark, I don't ever want to be a burden to my family and I am becoming more of the the "nerd!" It is possible to change and look to the future, not just the immediate here and now. Check out Suzie Ormann, or Dave Ramsey or Larry Burkett for good advise. Here is an article on $$$$.

Larry Burkett, noted financial author, says, "Money is either the best or the worst area of communication in our marriages." After years as a financial counselor and working with marriage counselors, I know that money and money fights are a major cause of divorce, not to mention the thing we fight about the most.

So if you are married and have money fights, you are normal. But if this is a real problem area for you, there is also an opportunity to improve your relationship and maybe even reach agreement with your spouse. I'm not talking about agreement brought on by surrender, but rather by each person getting a vote, understanding the other's view and finding common ground.

Let's face it – if we can agree on the checkbook, there would be nothing left to fight about except who gets the remote!

Men and Women are Different

When it comes to money, men tend to take more risks and don't save for emergencies. Men use money as a scorecard and can struggle with self-esteem when there are financial problems.

Women tend to see money more as a security issue, so they will gravitate toward the rainy-day fund. Because of their need for security, ladies can have a level of fear—my wife, Sharon, calls it terror—when there are money problems. Men and women are different in how they view money, and it is largely because they process problems and opportunities from different vantage points.

On top of the fact that men and women are different, opposites attract. Chances are, if you're married, one of you is good at working numbers (the nerd) and the other one isn't good at working numbers (the free spirit). That isn't the real problem. The problem is when the nerd neglects the input of the free spirit or when the free spirit avoids participating in the financial dealings altogether.

Marriage is a Partnership

Marriage is a partnership. The preacher said, "And now you are one." Both parties need to be involved in the finances. Separating the money and splitting the bills is a bad idea.

Listen up, nerds. Don't keep the money all to yourself. Don't use your "power" to abuse the free spirit. Free spirits, don't just nod your head and say, "Yeah, that looks great, honey." You have a vote in the budget committee meetings, too. Give feedback, criticism and encouragement. Work on the budget together!

"But what if my spouse won't get on board with me?" many of you wonder. It is tough, but with patience and kindness, your spouse will eventually see the light (don't beat them over the head with the need for a budget, and please don't subject your spouse to a lecture of "Dave says...").

As you work on your money together, you will begin to change your family tree. One of your main goals in your marriage should be to pass a legacy down to your children and grandchildren.

Hypnosis and solving money problems:
Relax and take a deep breathe, together we think of our lives together and how money is a wonderful power.  It buys us a roof over our heads, it allows us to have food, gas for our cars, and takes care of our children, our aging parents (thats for me) and anything that is important to us.  We can't have it all right now, but together we can plan and make our money grow together.  Before we start our budget, lets get our ideas together and see how each of us feels about how we should spend our income.  We are a team, and if either of us is not working, we will figure out together how to get enough income flowing our way, money is just "an idea" it is energy out there and we can attract it or repel it.  If we constantly say "we don't have enough, we are broke, we are poor, it will stay that way.  If we pull together and brain storm, we will attract new opportunities, new careers, new ways of obtaining money and it will flow in our direction.  Take a moment and separately see how money can make your life a little more enjoyable and how you can attract it to your life.  It may take some time, but if you keep working on a financial dream and put in the work to obtain it, it will happen. Just drive down a crowded highway with the traffic backed up for miles.  All those thousands of drivers figured it out They have nice cars, money for gas and they are going some place.  You are just as creative and smart, bring it to you.  Now bring your dreams together, regardless of your expenses, needs, and fantasies about money, talk about them before you come up with a plan. Make sure you don't end up with a budget that forces either of you to become a martyr. This will only bring up resentment.  You are partners, this is your company together, both take responsibility and negotiate from a loving heart.  Be firm about items that you consider non negotiable, and items that you can compromise on.
End with a deep cleansing breathe, how wonderful to be doing this together, knowing that your changes of success are so much better together, work as a team and be positive about your money dialog together.  
Here is to $$$ and power you have as a couple
Doc Judie
judie @docjudie.com
775 782-3889 

Using hypnosis to stay calm in a crisis

Greetings from Doc Judie

There are times when I am called to a crisis, such as the one last night.  A young woman who I have known for a long time  was in the emergency room, she had fainted and her white blood count was extremely low and there was blood in her urine.  She was very intelligent and knew that the signs were not good. White blood cells are the body's best defensive weapon in a fight against germs and disease; she was in a compromised state that required immediate attention.  Her doctor has made arrangements for her to be transported by ambulance or helicopter to a hospital in a nearby city where specialists could  handle her crisis.The wait seemed to take forever as all emergency care units were responding to a line up of other calls.

She was traumatized and to help her while she waited in the emergency room  for her ride, I had to calm myself down in order to help her. So  the suggestions that I was giving to her, I was also giving to myself.    The first message was to help her with the present situation, not rush to the future of 'what terrible fate is in store for me?" 

Her mind was racing with thoughts of who will take care of me? I won't be able to work, I know I have cancer, I am going to die!. She was hyperventilating and could not think straight, she did not know what to do.  Both sides of her brain hemispheres were engaged.  The conscious mind or  the logical decision maker was over run by unconscious mind,  the side that handles imagination and emotion. She was only concentrating on what awful things that were going to happen. She could not remember simple directions, her address or her phone number. 

A lot of conversation does  not help in a crisis, people often cannot concentrate and simple direct commands are often the best approach. It is not a good idea to touch people in trauma without their permission.  Back rubs, hugs, holding hands can be irritating but because I know her, and had her permission,  she was responsive to me touching a few pressure points on her head especially by her temples and eyes.  I told her that I did not know what was going to happen, she did not know what was going to happen, but she was in the best place for an evaluation, and she had a trained medical team right there for her.  She could help by "working with the doctors" and keeping her body calm, I would show her how to do this.  The simple suggestion given in a direct voice while touching her temples was really a form of hypnosis.  She had nothing else to cling to, and knowing that there was something that she could do to help her situation appealed to her.   I then  told her to count backwards and breathe deeply, she would notice that her body would calm down.

.  If you give your brain a simple task like counting, it automatically unhooks some of the emotions from the other side.  At the same time the deep diaphragmatic breaths bring oxygen to the blood; she responded and was able to relax and remember her basic information for the emergency room team.    The counting and breathng slowly were a double benefit.

I did not speculate or tell her that breathing slowly would help her compromised immune system and it needed all the help it could get.  Those were my thoughts, but it would only elevate her stress level.   When helping someone in a crisis, keep the commands simple.  Give the client or patient  the suggestion on what they can do right now and keep away from future speculations. Otten therapists and well meaning friends go overboard.   I knew to stay away from phrases such as:  "everything will be o.k, you'll be fine, it probably isn't anything,: as this will backfire. It often makes the client or patient even more upset because they don't believe it.   My job was done, it was time to let the medical staff handle the rest.

Here is to you mental and physical health
Doc Judie
775 7823889 judie@docjudie.com