Hypnotherapy Potential

Nurture your fondness and admiration  in a relationship (part #2)

Greetings from Doc Judie
 I am reviewing the principals of a good marriage or relationship, following the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work  by John
Gottman. The last blog discussed the "love map" knowing what your partner is feeling and thinking-being aware of your partner is essential in a good relationship. Remembering a birthday, anniversary, even down to "how old are the kids now" are signs of  being connected as a couple/ family or still living a single life. The second lesson from Gottman is nurturing fondness and admiration for eachother.

Fondness and Admiration: Go back to the first meeting, what was the attraction? What did our partner do that you admired, what traits touched your heart, turned you on, or made you laugh or feel appreciated? If the relationship still has a functioning fondness and admiration system in tack, the relationship is usually in good shape, or salvageable if the history and the memories are still there.  It is emotional laziness at times to take the relationship, the marriage or the family for granted and not make an effort to connect.  Dinner together, Time spent together, holding eachother at night and  keeping the flame burning by small gestures of kindness and affection are -not just part of the courting process, they are the glue that keeps a couple together.

Couples who can remember their history fondly usually still feel admiration and fondness, if they cannot remember their history, or distort any good memories, their relationship usually needs help.  All that "having fun stuff" buffers when the bad times hit.

How hypnosis can help with this process:
I often use hypnosis to jog the memories of what each partner found endearing in the other.  How long has it been since they gave eachother a compliment, did little things for eachother, it is easy to drift apart, it takes conscious effort. During the hypnotherapy portion of counseling, the couples recap (a list that they have each given me of positive traits) they go to times when the partner made them feel accepted, sexy, proud, laughed at jokes,made a special dinner, etc.) Sometimes there is not much on the list and the hypnosis helps the partners remember. Sometimes it confirms that there really was never any fondness or admiration even in the beginning-obviously that is a sign that much work has to be done for improvement. Often there is admiration and fondness but it is buried under hurt feelings and betrayals. 

Through hypnosis, the positive points of a relationship are brought out  for the subconscious mind to process. Memories of the wedding, first time you moved in together, struggling through difficult times together and what you have achieved together Is your life at this point better with the other person in it in spite of all the problems. What are you grateful for that you have never expressed to the other partner. It is so easy to spend all of the counseling session working on the problems, but that is not my focus.  Couples that come to me really want to get better, have a better relationship.  It is important to know that the problems will always be there.  Money may be tight, blended families are always a challenge, different work schedules, different tastes, and always disagreements.  That is all part of life, part of a learning how to be together  The shift comes with the attitude that there is more good things about being together, more admiration, more fondness.  When the concentration is there, suddenly the towels on the bathroom floor, the dirty dishes, long hours at work etc. can all be worked out.  Every day let that partner know your life is better with him/her. Work on your fondness and admiration.
Here's to your mental and physical health and your long loving relationship
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com
775 7823889

Couples communicate through hypnosis

Greetings from Doc Judie

I used to knock myself out, listening to all the reasons why couples do not seem to get along, and  rarely did  the "why" get answered. So I turned to the best expert I knew from a couples seminar, Dr John Gottman, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. (highly recommended).  I put my own spin on his research, and used the principals through a hypnotherapy script
. .
Often the couples really don't know what is going on... or they are too embarrassed or not in touch with their own subconscious feelings to blurt it out. I often hear words such as: I just don't feel the same, he/she doesn't turn me on, he's changed, she's changed. He/she is grumpy, he/she never includes me in decisions etc.etc.etc.

I ask the bullet question; "have you quit,  or are you willing to work on your relationship?" The ones that "are done" and state, I doubt if anything can save this relationship are probably right!  I don't give a very promising prognosis.  The ones that really want to have a good relationship, but don't know how to turn things around are my favorite clients-if they are willing to work on new behavior, change their script and find new ways of appreciating eachother, their chances are pretty good. Hearts and flowers are just around the corner.  (I bet I have 5 babies named after  me). Do I have a perfect score? Or course not, but much higher than former "communications" talk therapy. Much better  when hypnosis delivers the message.

Gottman states: "Happy marriages are based on deep friendship. Mutual respect and enjoyment of each other's company. They express foundness for each other day in and day out."  Best friends do not use criticism, comtempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.  Remember, this is your best friend! So this is the first script, I will continue through the seven principal; by the way, this works for all family members, you can fall in love with them all over again, even the difficult teen age son!

Here is the lst script: The love map
Take a deep breathe and relax, go to your favorite vacation spot together, if you have one, if not imagine one where you are both having such a good time, taking a walk without any interruptions, just the two of you. Onthis walk, learn about each others' lives. What happens every day, what are your hopes, fears and dreams,what makes you tick?  How have things changed over the years. Say to your partner:" Let me in on the details of your life that I have never made time for; I just "assumed that I knew you" but maybe I don't.  What is in your heart that I don't know about.  (then I let each of them speak and the other listens) There is no anger, no comment,  just quiet listening to each others' deepest thoughts.  It is usually things that the couple did not know about each other, it can cover important events in their lives, current stresses, current worries, hopes and aspirations for self and others. It ends with thanking the partner for sharing and mutual support. Sometimes this takes two or three sessions, but it usually leads to deep conversations after the sessions.

Sounds pretty easy, but it takes practice.  So many times, couples turn into "room mates" this reminds couples what they saw in each other from the beginning; how they use to talk, plan their future and not just ask " if gas in in the car, did they get the kids to baseball practice on time, did they put money in the bank? Talk about real stuff that makes life worth living-do it with your best friend.

More tomorrow on "Who am I"
Here's to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com
775 782-3889

 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Use Hypnosis to "Find Your Love."

You need someone in your life to love, it is as simple as that!  Humans are social animals,they do not isolate well.  Even extreme introverts have a small group, or someone that they allow into their inner circle.  Partners love eachother,  children love their parents, and parents love their children. There is nothing better than loving and being loved back.  Individuals with this strength used phrases such as:
I feel free to be myself
There is someone I trust to help and support me.
There is someone for whom I would do almost anything.
There is someone whose happiness matters as much to me as my own.
There is someone I am passionate about.

Yes there are people who do not have bonds with a family or close friends, they can survive and live a long life, but they usually do not.
People without love in their life die younger that people with ties or they compensate by loving close friends, their community, their neighbors, but they do not isolate.

I help couples going through broken marriages, and lonely widows alike by addressing the love in their life. A regression session in hypnosis often helps people see where their love was absent as a child; or  perhaps they are missing the love they once had with a mate, or a parent.  Once the loss of love is isolated, it is  time for a plan to find the missing form of love that they need.    Again, I use hypnosis to see what people really need. Are they lonely for a companion? For a family? or simply someone to care for, and to feel appreciate and loved back. 

I have the love of many little grandchildren with sticky fingers and wet kisses shouting "Nana, Nana" when they see me, and they are the sweetest kisses in the world.  i am involved in my community, and I have both male and female friends that I socialize with; I feel fulfilled and loved. I am happier when I spend time with family and friends. 

So appreciate the love in your life, if not get in touch with your past through self hypnosis, or better yet an appointment with me or a trained counselor who understands regression hypnosis. Find out what is missing and go get it.  You will live longer, and you will be happier.

Here is to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie 775 782-3889 judie@docjudie.com