(Greetings from Doc Judie
I recently lost an in-law; my friend Margarita. Her son married my daughter and even though Margarita did not speak much English, and my limited Spanish usually made her laugh, we bonded over a family vacation last year. My generous adult children took both the abuelas and our new year- old granddaughter on a family seaside vacation in Florida, and a few days in New Orleans to visit my Auntie Mabel. My aunt just celebrated her 102 birthday in unusually good health; Margarita, half my Aunt's age, only had one more year to live.
Margarita had many health issues and none of us knew how much Margarita suffered because it was not her way to complain. She wanted to enjoy a trip down the Mississippi River (as she remembered reading Mark Twain as a young girl in Mexico). She did not want to spoil the vacation for any of us and she wanted to enjoy her little grand baby. As it was easy for me to move around, I was the grandma that took the baby for a ride in the stroller; played with her, and changed her diapers. However, it was Margarita who had the magic at nap time. She would hold her baby girl as she did all of her grandchildren; Margarita would sing softly and in minutes the little one was dreaming with a smile on her face.
Less than one year later, Margarita died suddenly from liver complications, it was not expected, and her family was devastated. She had five children, many grandchildren, relatives and friends in both the United States and in Mexico who loved her. So in her tradition of being raised Catholic, a nine day Novena was set in place in both countries. For those of you not familiar with this bereavement ritual, the rosary is said in the family home every night and family and friends are invited to pray, eat, and share their memories of Margarita.
The death rituals in my family are not that long and they are filled with deep grief and not much sharing of feeling among the relatives, everyone suffers silently My family funerals are often held on a Friday so long distance travelers can come to a funeral, and be back to work on a Monday. I was taught "to keep busy" and not dwell on the death of my family members...just "get over it" and get back to work.
In the Mexican tradition, the world can just wait for nine days."They go into their blood." It is their way of saying that this woman was so special and they want to celebrate her journey from this earth, she is cherished for the life that she lived. I think there is much wisdom in the nine day ritual. The family went from deep grief to acceptance, and at times even happiness. That does not mean that they will not miss her, but along with the sorrow, they have the happy times to remember as well. When I attended a novena, I witnessed a type of spiritual group hypnosis that was in effect. The people that filled the room were "in spirit" with Margarita, this was her last fiesta, her send off.
Margarita's family knows how to live, how to love eachother and how to die with grace, dignity, and a celebration of her life; she taught them well.
I will leave you with your own reflections on my story about Margarita. Think about people in your life, do you honor them? Do you let them know they are important to you? How would you like to be remembered?
Here's to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
775 782-3889 judie@docjudie.com
