The spark of humanity
Greetings from Doc Judie
Last night I wrote about the collective consciousness and how the house and senate would come together on the debt ceiling issue.  Together they would pull together and remember that we are all in this together as Americans.  I am blown away and tears filled my eyes as I saw Gabrielle Giffords made an entrance.  I am copying this article (as you would think I am making this up!) see if it touches the spark of humanity in your heart:

$$$ Money Stress and Hypnosis
Greetings from Doc Judie  
                                    
I thought I would just say it lilke it is....ouch! Not enough money to make ends meet, losing the house, medical bills etc.etc 
This is the common theme in my practice, and I have been there myself.  So what do you do when you are drowning in debt? 
Look for a rope to pull you out of the water.
This is not meant to give you financial advice, but I can help with your attitude and help you to delevop a plan, short of a Ernie Madoff blow in your life, there is hope and a way to turn this financial crisis in your life around.
 

#3 Couples address past issues
Greetings from Doc Judie
If you just picked up this blog, I am following the seven principals of marriage as outlined by John Gottman.

Gottman talks about couples that usually have a good marriage turn toward eachother and not away. He does not look for big gestures, but the boring every day interactions. One spouse may look out the window and say, I think it is starting to rain, I'll roll up the windows in your car for you.  The other spouse will look up from the newspaper and say, thanks, I'll have some hot chocolate ready for you when you come in.  Other couples appear to spend time together, but one is reading the newspaper the other watching the news on TV with no interaction outside of room mate talk. Other times it is just litter courtesies during the day; thanking someone for passing the salt, or saying "I'm going to the kitchen, do you need anything?" While other couples eat in silence, grunt at eachothers comments, or do not look up at eachother. It is not hard to see which couples have the better marriage, the ones that turn toward eachother and connect.
They don't always agree on everything, but they do respect eachothers' opinion.

I found some interesting exercises in Gottman's book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that addressed past issues.
The check list for feelings about marriage:
The way I was treated in my family growing up
A previous relationship
Past injuries, hard times, or traumas I've suffered
My basic fears and insecurities
things and events I have not yet resolved or put aside
unrealized hopes I have
Ways other people treated me in the past
Things I have always thought about myself
Old nightmares or catastrophes I have worrried about

Hypnotherapy:
I thought this would be a great segway for my couples who could not let go of past issues and used hypnosis for each partner to take a trip to the past.  The scrip varies but addresses past issues that linger in the brain and translate to the present relationship.  Each partner looks at issues in their past and is instructed to let go of anything that hurt them, put them down, told them that they were not good enough or hurt them in any way.  These are old scripts that have no use in their present relationship.

Post hypnosis suggestion is to journal about these feeling and how they have brought these old feelings into their marriage and work on making it better.  Each case is different, but usually old chips on the shoulder can fall away, they understand that they are reacting  
the same way their parents did, or they are hearing a former spouse's voice. 

Through the journaling, they can then come up with one thing in the future to make a better connection their spouse. When they are comfortable with the new look at their relationship, each partner can tell the other what they would like to change. This new awareness, dialog, sharing the journals often help couples connect in a new fresh way, and let go of their past problems. Give it a try if the past is haunting your relationshlp, even if you were not aware of it.
Here's to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com
775 7823889

Couples communicate through hypnosis

Greetings from Doc Judie

I used to knock myself out, listening to all the reasons why couples do not seem to get along, and  rarely did  the "why" get answered. So I turned to the best expert I knew from a couples seminar, Dr John Gottman, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. (highly recommended).  I put my own spin on his research, and used the principals through a hypnotherapy script
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Often the couples really don't know what is going on... or they are too embarrassed or not in touch with their own subconscious feelings to blurt it out. I often hear words such as: I just don't feel the same, he/she doesn't turn me on, he's changed, she's changed. He/she is grumpy, he/she never includes me in decisions etc.etc.etc.

I ask the bullet question; "have you quit,  or are you willing to work on your relationship?" The ones that "are done" and state, I doubt if anything can save this relationship are probably right!  I don't give a very promising prognosis.  The ones that really want to have a good relationship, but don't know how to turn things around are my favorite clients-if they are willing to work on new behavior, change their script and find new ways of appreciating eachother, their chances are pretty good. Hearts and flowers are just around the corner.  (I bet I have 5 babies named after  me). Do I have a perfect score? Or course not, but much higher than former "communications" talk therapy. Much better  when hypnosis delivers the message.

Gottman states: "Happy marriages are based on deep friendship. Mutual respect and enjoyment of each other's company. They express foundness for each other day in and day out."  Best friends do not use criticism, comtempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.  Remember, this is your best friend! So this is the first script, I will continue through the seven principal; by the way, this works for all family members, you can fall in love with them all over again, even the difficult teen age son!

Here is the lst script: The love map
Take a deep breathe and relax, go to your favorite vacation spot together, if you have one, if not imagine one where you are both having such a good time, taking a walk without any interruptions, just the two of you. Onthis walk, learn about each others' lives. What happens every day, what are your hopes, fears and dreams,what makes you tick?  How have things changed over the years. Say to your partner:" Let me in on the details of your life that I have never made time for; I just "assumed that I knew you" but maybe I don't.  What is in your heart that I don't know about.  (then I let each of them speak and the other listens) There is no anger, no comment,  just quiet listening to each others' deepest thoughts.  It is usually things that the couple did not know about each other, it can cover important events in their lives, current stresses, current worries, hopes and aspirations for self and others. It ends with thanking the partner for sharing and mutual support. Sometimes this takes two or three sessions, but it usually leads to deep conversations after the sessions.

Sounds pretty easy, but it takes practice.  So many times, couples turn into "room mates" this reminds couples what they saw in each other from the beginning; how they use to talk, plan their future and not just ask " if gas in in the car, did they get the kids to baseball practice on time, did they put money in the bank? Talk about real stuff that makes life worth living-do it with your best friend.

More tomorrow on "Who am I"
Here's to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com
775 782-3889

 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Tapping into your strength through hypnosis

Greetings from Doc Judie

I can remember my early training, using the methods drummed into my head, mainly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT.  It is what most therapists use because it gets to the point. It looks at "what is wrong" and the therapy guilds you to change your thinking and do something different. It is very useful for changing habits, but it has its drawbacks.  Like most popular theories, CBT points out "what is wrong" and does not concentrate on "what is right" with the person. 

I use a positive approach, asking a client "what is good in your life? How do your strengths get you through difficult times? What is still good in spite of your problems.  Most people can cite the reasons that they still find joy in life, a few have to be taught from the ground up before they give up and perish. 

When you come right down to the basics, humans are programmed right down to their DNA to want to live and to have a good life. The problems will always be there, and regardless of the degree of suffering and pain, you will return to a set point of happiness that you had before the tragedy. 

 A sixty year old man was recently found wandering around a desert in Southern California without food or water for 5 days.  He wrote notes to his wife and remembered his love for her, and that is what kept him alive until help arrived, that connection to his wife kept him alive. 

A mother of a 14 year old son who recently committed suicide. She has to remember that she has other children, and it is not her time to leave the earth.  She struggles with the recent tragedy, but pushes herself to take care of her grandchildren, and their innocent laughter helps to heal her heart  get through the day. It is a reminder that she has purpose, internal strength, to be here. 

A young man was recently caught "doctor shopping' for pain medication which turned into an addiction. It all started anno
cently by a doctor too eager to reach for his prescription pad to solve a problem.  My young client is in a recovery program and is counseling younger peers with addiction problems. He has moved on, using the experience in a positive way to help others.

Pain is pain, suffering is part of life,  and no one has the perfect life so accept  the human condition. You are meant to suffer and feel pain for awhile ,not block every thing that comes to you with a pill.   When you lose someone, you will be devastated, but within a two month period (most of the time, may take a little longer) eventually you will start to return to your set point of being yourself, and yes, you will be able to find joy in your life "in spite of the pain."

So accept it, "shit happens" but "happiness happens" too!  I listen to my clients as it is important to let them tell their story.  it is important to  but it equally important not to stay in the grief session after session.  Many of my clients have not found relief through traditional therapy, they state that they have spent years learning everything about their depression, they have taken pills, and they understand their condition thoroughly....but they are still depressed! 

HYPNOSIS:   I know you were waiting for me to finally get to the turn around point.  Through relaxation, breathing techniques, I help people "get back into their bodies" they often report feeling like they are floating and not in touch. The script recognizes the sad event, but does not leave the client there or direct them "not to think about their problems." Those ridiculous suggestions just don't work.  Instead, I allow the client to follow their own path, they know what they need to do far better than I ever will. Perhaps they need to mourn a little longer, they is no magical time limit.  Perhaps, they just don't feel like getting up and finding another job, they have to find themselves first. Perhaps they need to look at the picture of their lost child and not move the clothes out-let it be! (for a reasonable amount of time-the client will usually tell me "I would like to find a job within the year, or I can't feel like this for another year").

The second part of the script is to remind clients that they have strength to get through this even if they don't think that they do.  They can go back to other situations in their life and remember how they got through those periods. Through hypnosis they remember how to tap into their survivor instincts, which are much stronger than their weaknesses.
The problems will "always be there" or new ones will crop up, but how they deal with it and how they learn to build up their energy is what they find through the hypnotherapy sessions.

What helps? I often take the clues from the clients. Do they want to be with family and friends, or do they prefer to be alone? Would they like to try journaling or would they rather turn to a daily walk? Isolation is good for awhile, but humans are social creatures, and that connection is healing and necessary.

There are a few of my clients that are so down that they do need help from a mental health professional or a medical doctor, at least for awhile, but most people will come out of their grief and  they want to  find their way back to a life worth living, they are just stuck for awhile.

 So whatever you are going through, know that you will get through it with your strengths, even if you don't know what they are right now.  Lean on others when it gets too tough, or get out of your self for a little while and go help someone else. The problems, the hurt, the loss will never leave you; but you are a survivor, you have made it this far and you have the genetic code to get through the sad times and yes, even feel joy and happiness again. 
Hypnosis can help with the process, find a licensed ASCH professional in your area or give me a call.

Here's to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com
775 7823889

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Moving on through hypnosis

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”

Greetings from Doc Judie

There seems to be a flood of clients that want to "move on" from their past and have a fresh new start.  Several of them are relocating.  In many cases, I think this is a good idea, a fresh new start, a new beginning, a chance to start over. There is a catch to the move; my clients have to do their homework, clean up their past or it will follow them wherever they go.

Here are a few examples:

Mary loves her husband, she will always love him, and he will always love her, but after ten years of marriage,  he has told her that he is gay. The couple has been working through their transition for over a year. At first they wanted to stay together, but Mary could not live with the life change of her husband.  She has filed for  divorce and is moving across the country to be with her daughter and her grand children from a previous marriage.. In one year, Mary has gone from being devastated to looking forward to a new place and a new life.  She meditates, does her breathing exercises and journels every evening.  She focuses on what her new life will bring to her and has said good bye to her life with her husband. I facilitated a final goodbye session.  It was very touching as both parties have great love and respect for one another. In the final session I gave them the suggestion that they had traveled for many miles together, but now there was a fork in the road, they are each taking a different direction. They will have new experiences, but they may chose to stay in touch with each other after a period of time.  They each said their good byes and were ready to move on, looking forward to their new life without eachother.

My second client has to leave the state of Nevada.  He has been in trouble with his family and the law for gambling debts.  His wife and children have left him and he feels alone and at times suicidal. After many sessions, he started to understand why gambling was in his life.  It was his "quick fix" when everything else in his life was not going right.  He could finally see what a destructive force gambling was and how it was taking away his life, his savings and his family. Amino Balance and Neurolift helped with the impulse control and hypnosis helped him to find a new path. Sometimes when it seems nothing is left, a person has to rebuild slowly and still be able to see a small flame of hope that lives within their soul. No matter how small, it will grow.  He decided that Nevada was not the place for him.  He loved the ocean, he used to sail and contacted old friends in San Diego, California.  He is working on boats and is building a new life.  He never thinks of his gambling days, he has learned from his past, he has moved on.

My third client has lost her job, she has cancer and does not have long to live. Through many sessions she has made peace with her illness and has chosen to enjoy her remaining days doing what she wants to do which involves travel.  She sold her house and feels that for the first time in her life "she is alive' even though it may not be for long. Her message is "live every day like it is your last and you will find happiness." she is ready to move on.

A new place, a new environment, new friends stimulate all of us.  It may be what you need, but don't just jump without doing the work and cleaning up your past or your problems will follow you to your new location.  So if a trip to Europe, living in Mexico,moving to the coast or to the mountains sounds like pure tonic to you...what are you waiting for!  Go with a clean slate, enjoy your new life and find your happiness.
Here's to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
775 782-3889 judie@docjudie.com

Mothers Day
Greetings from Doc Judie

Mothers Day is coming up this Sunday, and around this time of year, I go into a  subconscious mania state.  I find myself baking "horsie" cupcakes for my granddaughter's birthday. . Of course the little sugar animals must have a hand made correl through the magic of my trusty glue gun and apple tree twigs.  I then brave the chilly spring winds and plant heirloom tomatoes, fava beans, zucchini, swiss chard and line the garden with sweet peas and morning glories.  The  frenzy winds down as I pour over old photo albums; looking for that one special  picture of me and my mom.  I always swear I am going to blow it up put it in a frame with roses on the borders. I love it because it brings back the feeling of a special Mothers Day many years ago.    I have my arms around my mother and I am squeezing her so tight  that she is spilling the home made pasta dish in her hands. We are both laughing.  I miss her. At the same time I am grateful for all the years that I had with her. A good mom is like winning the lotto, and I won big! 

On Mothers Day I meditate, I think of her, I think of my own girls, now beautiful mothers to my three grand daughters. I think of all the women that have touched my life.  I think of my Auntie Rose who passed away in her 90's, and  Auntie Mabel who just turned 102, alive and fiesty. The whole family is still grieving the recent loss of my in law  Margarita;  i am so glad that she was here to see two new baby girls come into the world.  i think of my other dear in-law Jan and all the fun we have  sharing our grand daughters. 

These special women all share my memories, my kitchen, my garden and always my heart. Celebrate the mom's in your life.
Happy Mothers Day

for a lighter side, go to You Tube  Mothers Day www.baratsandbereta.com

The Brain that Changes Itself

 

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Neurolinguistics and Hypnosis or How to fall in love with anything

Greetings from Doc Judie

Neurolinguistics has been around for a long time, it was used in hypnotherapy sessions by Milton Erickson, Jay Haley and Virginia Satir. It is the study of the way your mind perceives language. Chris Howard, motivational speaker and owner of the largest neurolinguistics company recently gave a talk about the inner dialog, what you say to yourself when you are doing something you like, and what you say when you are doing something you don't like.  I found his technique very interesting and I have modified it for my own use.  Here is my version, tell me what you think of it.

When we are really passionate about something, we say to ourselves or out loud, I love to ...........................fill in the blank, what ever it is.  It could be sports, painting, running, sewing, dancing-what ever turns you on and brings out your passion  So go into the words that you use when you are enjoying your favorite past time.  If you are like me, "feel it" get in touch with how you feel during your favorite activities.  I love to garden in the summer and bake in the fall. I love to get my hands into dough or dirt!  i love the creativity, the quick results, the smells, and the art form of the activities.  I literally lose time, I work long and hard in the garden; I bake large quantities of whatever I have created. The end result is I love to share with others.  In the garden, I  share flower seeds, crops, fresh fruit and pies with family and friends. 

However, when I have to do mundane chores the passion is gone   For me it is paperwork, I "hate it!" Papers float around, I procrastinate, I don't get process forms on time and it is my least favorite mandatory task that must be done.  Needless to say, my office is a mess My garden and my kitchen are orderly, organized and cheerful  So it is not faulty neurology, it is a preference, one I "love" and one I "hate." The words describe my feelings toward the tasks, so in the exercise coming up, I reverse the internal message behind the words through a hypnotherapy session.  You can try it for yourself and see how it works for you.

I go through the steps of relaxation, and when my mind is calm I imagine all the wonderful feelings that  I have from pruning my fruit trees to planting my garden.  I see the end results in the fall of gathering up the harvest and converting the fruits and vegetables into wonderful dishes for my family and friends to share  It is more than just eating good food, I relive the whole process.  The end results are that I enjoy pleasing my family and friends, sharing dinners or picnics and all the good times that go with it. mmmmmmmmmm such a nice visualization.

Now I switch to my messy office, piles of paperwork, taxes overdue, forms for business to fill out...grrrrrrrrrrrr. So I usually procrastinate until I am forced to pay attention or pay the consequences.

Now for the change.  I have to look for something that makes sense about paperwork.  I do feel better when my office is straightened up and I can find things quickly  I feel empowered when my bills are paid on time and when I keep up on my correspondence. I now transfer the good feelings that I have for the garden and baking to office work. (o.k. it took me a few tries to get this down, just practice if it does not come to you right away)
I see the end results. When I keep in touch with people, it is satisfying, and increases my business.  When I take care of the bills immediately, I can budget when my checkbook is balanced.  I can stop saying I hate it to change my words to:  I really like the feeling I have when there is order in my office, my bills are paid, and I even have money in the budget for my garden! It pleases people when I stay in touch.  I know how much I appreciate it when people stay in touch with me.  I appreciate my clients response when they pay their bills on time.

The former task now has a different feel to it, I am careful to use positive words. I like the visually clean and orderly room where I am not wasting time, because everything is in its place. I almost "love it" not quite there yet, but I am getting close. 

Here is to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
775 7823889 judie@docjudie.com

Building Wisdom Through Hypnosis

Greetings from Doc Judie

Several of the blogs are building blocks for developing or deepening qualities that build your character strengths and virtues, they are the strengths and virtues found in people who lead happy lives, and that is what my practice is all about; living the good life. 

The topic today is wisdom which immediately conjure up an image of dead poets and politicians  (or in this case, Father Time) giving their sage advice to the world!

Think of wisdom in a broader sense of the word; it is referring to your wisdom, you character,

Sometimes you have to quiet down the mind and be by yourself to hear your own thoughts. It will set you right with the world again.

Reflect on the words in this 1968 Broadway Play; Sir Lawrence Olivia is Father Time.

Time

 Stand before me on the sign of infinity all you of the earth.

With the granting of the law of provination, comes the application of change. I will give you the key…and with this knowledge please realize comes the responsibility of sharing it. I will show you the way... It is very simple. Throughout the universe there is order: In the movement of the planets, in nature, and in the functioning of the human mind. A mind that is in its natural state of order is in harmony with the universe and such a mind is timeless. Your life is an expression of your mind, you are the creator of your own universe for as a human being you are free to will what ever state of  being you desire through the use of your thoughts and words;  ah there is great power there. It can be a blessing or a curse it is entirely up to you.  For the quality of your life is brought about the by the quality of your thinking, think about that! Thoughts produce action.  Look at what you are thinking; see the pettiness and the envy and the greed and the fear and all the other attitudes that cause you pain and discomfort. Realize that the one thing that you have absolute control over is your attitude.  See the effect that it has on those around you.  Each life is linked to all life and your words carry with them chain reactions, like a stone that is thrown into a pond.  If your thinking is in order, your words will flow directly from the heart creating ripples of love. If you truly want to change the world my friend, you must change your thinking.  Reason is your greatest tool. It creates an atmosphere of understanding, which leads to caring, which is love.  Chose your words with care, go forth with love.

Now switch your thinking to what you would do if you only had six months to live.  What words of wisdom would you want to give to your children, your loved ones? This happened to Dr. Randy Paunch who has an amazing video on You Tube  called: The Last Lecture. There is also a book out featuring Randy Paunch's last lecture.  His mother introduced him by telling her friends: yes he was a doctor, but "not the kind who helps people" He wanted people to know that it was important to keep humor in tact, even if you are dying.  He explained that his cancer did not show on the outside and he was in the best shape of his life. He demonstrated by doing army style pushups!  This was his list of wisdom to be passed on:
Let your kids have a great imagination, let them paint their room; never lose your childlike curiosity throughout your whole life.
Remember your roots, keep what is important about your past
Loyalty is a two way street; be loyal to the people who are loyal to you
Ask people for help, it is more important to be honest than to "be hip," let them know when you are down, and be there for them.
Don't give up and don't bale; the best stuff in life can be the crap at the bottom of a barrel.
Find the best in everybody. sometimes it takes a long time, but keep waiting,someone will finally show you their good side. Nobody is all bad.
Don't worry about achieving your dreams, what is important is how you live your life; the dreams will find you.
I hope you enjoy the notes from my last lecture, but  they were not for you; I did this for my kids!

I often do sessions with people who feel it is time to reflect on their own lives. What has been accomplished, what is left to do, and what words of wisdom to pass on.  Here is your journey and your discovery on your own brand of wisdom.  See what you are all about.
Doc Judie
Here is to your mental and physical health
775 782-3889 judie@docjudie.com