Judie Brierly - Friday, May 07, 2010

Mothers Day
Greetings from Doc Judie

Mothers Day is coming up this Sunday, and around this time of year, I go into a subconscious mania state. I find myself baking "horsie" cupcakes for my granddaughter's birthday. . Of course the little sugar animals must have a hand made correl through the magic of my trusty glue gun and apple tree twigs. I then brave the chilly spring winds and plant heirloom tomatoes, fava beans, zucchini, swiss chard and line the garden with sweet peas and morning glories. The frenzy winds down as I pour over old photo albums; looking for that one special picture of me and my mom. I always swear I am going to blow it up put it in a frame with roses on the borders. I love it because it brings back the feeling of a special Mothers Day many years ago. I have my arms around my mother and I am squeezing her so tight that she is spilling the home made pasta dish in her hands. We are both laughing. I miss her. At the same time I am grateful for all the years that I had with her. A good mom is like winning the lotto, and I won big!

On Mothers Day I meditate, I think of her, I think of my own girls, now beautiful mothers to my three grand daughters. I think of all the women that have touched my life. I think of my Auntie Rose who passed away in her 90's, and Auntie Mabel who just turned 102, alive and fiesty. The whole family is still grieving the recent loss of my in law Margarita; i am so glad that she was here to see two new baby girls come into the world. i think of my other dear in-law Jan and all the fun we have sharing our grand daughters.

These special women all share my memories, my kitchen, my garden and always my heart. Celebrate the mom's in your life.
Happy Mothers Day

for a lighter side, go to You Tube Mothers Day www.baratsandbereta.com

The Brain that Changes Itself

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In Memory of Margarita; Mexican Bereavement Ritual

Judie Brierly - Monday, March 22, 2010

In Memory of Margarita; Mexican Bereavement Ritual
Abuelita Throw Pillow

(Greetings from Doc Judie

I recently lost an in-law; my friend Margarita. Her son married my daughter and even though Margarita did not speak much English, and my limited Spanish usually made her laugh, we bonded over a family vacation last year. My generous adult children took both the abuelas and our new year- old granddaughter on a family seaside vacation in Florida, and a few days in New Orleans to visit my Auntie Mabel. My aunt just celebrated her 102 birthday in unusually good health; Margarita, half my Aunt's age, only had one more year to live.

Margarita had many health issues and none of us knew how much Margarita suffered because it was not her way to complain. She wanted to enjoy a trip down the Mississippi River (as she remembered reading Mark Twain as a young girl in Mexico). She did not want to spoil the vacation for any of us and she wanted to enjoy her little grand baby. As it was easy for me to move around, I was the grandma that took the baby for a ride in the stroller; played with her, and changed her diapers. However, it was Margarita who had the magic at nap time. She would hold her baby girl as she did all of her grandchildren; Margarita would sing softly and in minutes the little one was dreaming with a smile on her face.

Less than one year later, Margarita died suddenly from liver complications, it was not expected, and her family was devastated. She had five children, many grandchildren, relatives and friends in both the United States and in Mexico who loved her. So in her tradition of being raised Catholic, a nine day Novena was set in place in both countries. For those of you not familiar with this bereavement ritual, the rosary is said in the family home every night and family and friends are invited to pray, eat, and share their memories of Margarita.

The death rituals in my family are not that long and they are filled with deep grief and not much sharing of feeling among the relatives, everyone suffers silently My family funerals are often held on a Friday so long distance travelers can come to a funeral, and be back to work on a Monday. I was taught "to keep busy" and not dwell on the death of my family members...just "get over it" and get back to work.

In the Mexican tradition, the world can just wait for nine days."They go into their blood." It is their way of saying that this woman was so special and they want to celebrate her journey from this earth, she is cherished for the life that she lived. I think there is much wisdom in the nine day ritual. The family went from deep grief to acceptance, and at times even happiness. That does not mean that they will not miss her, but along with the sorrow, they have the happy times to remember as well. When I attended a novena, I witnessed a type of spiritual group hypnosis that was in effect. The people that filled the room were "in spirit" with Margarita, this was her last fiesta, her send off.

Margarita's family knows how to live, how to love eachother and how to die with grace, dignity, and a celebration of her life; she taught them well.

I will leave you with your own reflections on my story about Margarita. Think about people in your life, do you honor them? Do you let them know they are important to you? How would you like to be remembered?

Here's to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
775 782-3889 judie@docjudie.com

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Mothers Day

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In Memory of Margarita; Mexican Bereavement Ritual

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