Helping Suicide Survivors through Hypnosis
Greetings from Doc Judie
You may be thinking, why is she talking about suicide right before Christmas, it is because it is the third leading cause of death in the United States (especially teen boys) and in my very small community of Douglas County (between Lake Tahoe California and Reno Nevada) it is above the national average..
When I get the call for help connected with suicide the griever does not know where to go or what to do, I clear the calender. In my trade, this is "the worst of the worst phone calls, but the most important one I can take." I usually have one client a month who has not found any relief from the suicide of a daughter, son, wife or friend-NO MATTER HOW RECENT OR LONG IT HAS BEEN. I have had as many as 6 a month and I will confess to you that the type of grief that these people feel takes a toll on me. I have to meet with professionals to clear my own counter transference or I am not able to help the next client. If you are in practice, make sure that you talk about this with your peers.
There is not a lot of research on the grievers or survivors of suicide, if I completed another thesis, that is the subject that I would chose. To date, the best body of work is from a wonderful photo/journalist Kerry Payne. She understands this subject well as she lost her own father to suicide as a young girl. Kerry's work is in progress and can be viewed on Burn Magazine/Left Behind. It is moving, dramatic, photography that catches the soul of the people being interviewed and raw honesty about the subject. It is really worth looking at if this subject touches you in any way, or please refer it to someone you know who has suffered the loss of a friend or family member to suicide.
I will do a mini series on suicide, but for this blog, I only want to concentrate on the survivors of suicide and help them to get through the holidays, the worst time of year for many. If the suicide is recent, it is important to see a counselor or hypnotherapist trained in grief work. At first, it is to make sure that the client is safe, functional, and that a "small do do list" can be given to them to get through the first week. Do not rush the process if you are a therapist or a friend. The griever does not know what to do, there is no guide book for the emotions that will flood them. they may want to be alone, or afraid to be alone or both! They may freeze up, rant and rave, drink, or stop eating. Let them be, just be a good listener, and keep them from harming themselves. Gently encourage them to eat by dropping off soup, or if appropriate, taking them to a restaurant. Just listen and let them know you are there. Do not give advise such as "you will get over this, God is watching out for your loved one, just get rid of everything." I usually use a direct approach in my hypnosis script after I have assessed that they are safe, not suicidal and can function through the shock of what happened, or if they need medical aid.
Hypnotherapy script:
You are going through a very difficult time right now. I will never know what you are feeling or what you are going through, but I am honored that you are here asking me for help, so with your permission, I want you to promise to do what I tell you for this week,even if you don't feel like it. I want you to write this down in a little book by your bedside ( I usually provide a little red book and have the key points outlined for them). Follow the instructions exactly, every day. When you wake up, get up very slowly, open the blinds and look outside.If the weather permits, get some fresh air. Regardless of the weather, just look outside and breathe for one full minute. Breathe deep down to your belly as you may have forgotten how to even take a breathe and you need to breathe so you can think. #2 Now write in your book the bare minimum chores that you have to do today. Do not do any more than you have to do, everything will be taken care of in time, but just not this week. If it involves police reports, death certificates, funeral arrangements, personal possessions, only do what you feel like doing and if you have help, ask for it. #3 Do not do any more than what you wrote in your book, but once you write it, commit to doing it. #4 You must drink one full 8 ounce glass of water, sip slowly and feel the water slowly going down your throat, you will drink at least 6 glasses of water every day as it is easy to dehydrate. #5 Take care of your personal hygiene, brush your teeth, comb your hair, take a bath or shower (unless you prefer to do this at night time) put on clean clothes #5 Eat small meals. You may not feel like it, but take in a little nourishment, either cereal, yogurt, soft boiled eggs or what ever you want. You don't have to eat much, but you need some food so your brain can think and your body can heal. It will help even if what I am telling you does or make sense. #5 Go through the day at your own pace, no one has the right to tell you what to do, but you may have children, or a spouse or at least yourself to take care of and parts of your life have to go on. Ask your mind to go on automatic so you won't have to think of the daily routines, you will not even remember how you did it, but everything that needs to happen will get done somehow. #6 When you feel a wave of grief or if everything is too overwhelming, sit down, go home if you can, get to your car- take a break. Schedule in a minimum of two times a day to be by yourself, cry, go over memories or just be still. Sometimes you will feel very emotional, sometimes it comes later and you sometimes you may feel numb, it does not matter, there are no rules.Do not question your feelings, you will only take in what you are able to handle, nature has a way of protecting you.It is normal to lose your appetite or feel shut down, but continue eating small meals during the day even if it is a few sips or a few bites. Keep water beside you and sip on it often. At night, go to bed when you feel that you need to sleep and if you need to nap during the day, that is fine too. Your body is directing you, listen to it. If you can't sleep, try Tryptophan 2 to 4 tablets can help you. If you need stronger medications, see your doctor. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. You may want to, but it will deepen your depression, if at all possible do not drink alcohol or take any medications without consulting with your doctor. Know that what you are feeling is a normal reaction. Keep warm, you may feel cold as this is part of the body shivering through shock. Turn to friends and family and let them know what you need. It is o.k. to tell them that you need some company,or if you need help or support. Let them know if you need to be left alone or have them take phone messages for you. Go slow, feel what you are feeling and go at your own pace. This week your only job is to just get through it.
It may seem cold that I did not go into the details on how they would feel about their loved one, but I have no way of knowing. I am almost giving instructions on how to "build a book shelf" as they need directives. Time will help and the scrip will change. Be gentle with your friends and clients and let them feel what they are feeling is their business, your job is to keep them safe and just listen.
Here is to your mental and physical health
Take care of someone who needs you this week.
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com
