Hypnotherapy Potential

Bereavement when a pet dies
Greetings from Doc Judie
Since the beginning of time, people have bonded with their pets and they don't know what to do when their pet dies. Some feel foolish over their tears and don't understand that they are going through a bereavement state much the same way they would feel if a friend or family member suddenly died. No it is not the same to compare the loss of the family dog or horse to your grandmother, but it is a definite loss. For years that pet may have been in your life. Happy to see you never asking for anything but to wag their tail, purr, or whinny when they see you coming.
Therapy dogs, cats and horses have been used to help children with autism bond, in nursing homes to help with loneliness, and the obvious medical dogs trained to help the blind. So how do you handle it when you pet dies?
Allow your self to grieve. It is just fine to take a little time to remember your pet. Find some photos, maybe frame a favorite picture. Write about your feelings, or have a little ceremony with friends and family who shared your attachment to your pet.

In hypnosis, I often just let people tell their story and "give them permission" to say goodbye.  The script is custom to the pet and the owner, how they spend their time together, and the fond memories. I usually don't get into any religious theories about where pets go when they die.  I know there are prayers that mention that "all things will be united when we die" but instead the focus is on reflection on how that particular pet made the person feel.  Was that pet helpful when the owner was stressed out or depressed.  Did it help to jump on the back of a horse and ride like the wind or taking your dog for a walk and forgetting your problems.
So if this has happened to you, close your eyes and be grateful for all the great times you had interacting with your pet, watching it play, run toward you when it heard your voice, or its signature sound.  Give thanks that that animal was in your life as long as it was and know that you are a better person because of that connection.
Here is to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com
775 7823889

Helping Suicide Survivors through Hypnosis

Greetings from Doc Judie
You may be thinking, why is she talking about suicide right before Christmas, it is because it is the third leading cause of death in the United States (especially teen boys)  and in my very small community of Douglas County (between Lake Tahoe California and Reno Nevada) it is above the national average.. 

When I get the call for help connected with suicide  the griever does not know where to go or what to do, I clear the calender. In my trade, this is "the worst of the worst phone calls, but the most important one I can take." I usually have one client a month who has not found any relief from the suicide of a daughter, son, wife or friend-NO MATTER HOW RECENT OR LONG IT HAS BEEN. I have had as many as 6 a month and I will confess to you that the type of grief that these people  feel takes a toll on me.  I have to meet with professionals to clear my own counter transference or I am not able to help the next client. If you are in practice, make sure that you talk about this with your peers.

There is not a lot of research on the grievers or survivors of suicide, if I completed another thesis, that is the subject that I would chose.  To date, the best body of work is from a wonderful photo/journalist Kerry Payne. She understands this subject well as she lost her own father to suicide as a young girl.  Kerry's work is in progress and can be viewed on Burn Magazine/Left Behind. It is moving, dramatic, photography that catches the soul of the people being interviewed and raw honesty about the subject. It is really worth looking at if this subject touches you in any way, or please refer it to someone you know who has suffered the loss of a friend or family member to suicide.

I will do a mini series on suicide, but for this blog, I only want to concentrate on the survivors of suicide and help them to get through the holidays, the worst time of year for many.  If the suicide is recent, it is important to see a counselor or hypnotherapist trained in grief work.  At first, it is to make sure that the client is safe, functional, and that a "small do do list" can be given to them to get through the first week.  Do not rush the process if you are a therapist or a friend. The griever does not know what to do, there is no guide book for the emotions that will flood them.  they may want to be alone, or afraid to be alone or both!  They may freeze up, rant and rave, drink, or stop eating.  Let them be, just be a good listener, and keep them from harming themselves. Gently encourage them to eat by dropping off soup, or if appropriate, taking them to a restaurant.  Just listen and let them know you are there. Do not give advise such as "you will get over this, God is watching out for your loved one, just get rid of everything." I usually use a direct approach in my hypnosis script after I have assessed that they are safe, not suicidal and can function through the shock of what happened, or if they need medical aid.

Hypnotherapy script:
You are going through a very difficult time right now.  I will never know what you are feeling or what you are going through,   but I am honored that you are here asking me for help, so with your permission, I want you to promise to do what I tell you for this week,even if you don't feel like it. I want you to write this down in a little book by your bedside ( I usually provide a little red book and have the key points outlined for them).  Follow the instructions exactly, every day.  When you wake up, get up very slowly, open the blinds and look outside.If the weather permits, get some fresh air. Regardless of the weather, just look outside and breathe for one full minute.  Breathe deep down to your belly as you may have forgotten how to even take a breathe and you need to breathe so you can think.  #2 Now write in your book the bare minimum chores that you have to do today.  Do not do any more than you have to do, everything will be taken care of in time, but just not this week.  If it involves police reports, death certificates, funeral arrangements, personal possessions, only do what you feel like doing and if you have help, ask for it.  #3 Do not do any more than what you wrote in your book, but once you write it, commit to doing it. #4 You must drink one full 8 ounce glass of water, sip slowly and feel the water slowly going down your throat, you will drink at least 6 glasses of water every day as it is easy to dehydrate.  #5 Take care of your personal hygiene, brush your teeth, comb your hair, take a bath or shower (unless you prefer to do this at night time) put on clean clothes #5 Eat small meals.  You may not feel like it, but take in a little nourishment, either cereal, yogurt, soft boiled eggs or what ever you want. You don't have to eat much, but you need some food so your brain can think and your body can heal. It will help even if what I am telling you does or make sense. #5 Go through the day at your own pace, no one has the right to tell you what to do, but you may have children, or a spouse or at least yourself to take care of and parts of your life have to go on.  Ask your mind to go on automatic so you won't have to think of the daily routines, you will not even remember how you did it, but everything that needs to happen will get done somehow. #6 When you feel a wave of grief or if everything is too overwhelming, sit down, go home if you can, get to your car- take a break.  Schedule in a minimum of two times a day to be by yourself, cry, go over memories or just be still.  Sometimes you will feel very emotional, sometimes it comes later and you sometimes you may feel numb, it does not matter, there are no rules.Do not question your feelings, you will only take in what you are able to handle, nature has a way of protecting you.It is normal to lose your appetite or feel shut down, but continue eating small meals during the day even if it is a few sips or a few bites. Keep water beside you and sip on it often. At night, go to bed when you feel that you need to sleep and if you need to nap during the day, that is fine too. Your body is directing you, listen to it. If you can't sleep, try   Tryptophan 2 to 4 tablets can help you.  If you need stronger medications, see your doctor. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. You may want to, but it will deepen your depression, if at all possible do not drink alcohol or take any medications without consulting with your doctor.  Know that what you are feeling is a normal reaction. Keep warm, you may feel cold as this is part of the body shivering through shock.  Turn to friends and family and let them know what you need.  It is o.k. to tell them that you need some company,or if you need help or support. Let them know  if you need  to be left alone or have them take phone messages for you.   Go slow, feel what you are feeling and go at your own pace.  This week  your only  job is to just get through it.

It may seem cold that I did not go into the details on how they would feel about their loved one, but I have no way of knowing. I am almost giving instructions on how to "build a book shelf" as they need directives.  Time will help and the scrip will change.  Be gentle with your friends and clients and let them feel what they are feeling is their business, your job is to keep them safe and  just listen.
Here is to your mental and physical health
Take care of someone who needs you this week.
Doc Judie
judie@docjudie.com

Dealing with unexpected death through hypnosis

Greetings from Doc Judie

It seems that I write about this subject a lot, and it is because it has touched me personally as well as so many of my clients and friends.   Last month my  in-law who I was very found of, died unexpectedly, and this week one client died from cancer, and another through a car accident. Over the next nine days, I will be saying good bye to these beautiful people who touched my life.  This ritual is a way of celebrating their lives and it grounds me. I learned how to do this when my dear Margarita died. 

If you are close to someone who has died, don't rush the process, be gentle with yourself or your loved ones or friends.  Not everything can be "fixed" immediately.  People mean well, but words such as " everything will work out, they lived a good life, they are in a better place," are not always comforting,    This is not the time, the family is in mourning and they need to hurt, feel the pain of the loss and go through their grief process.

Margarita celebrated her life and her death in a very spiritual way. She knew how to live and she knew how to die.  Her family held a nine day ritual for her where they prayed for her, told stories, about her life, they  ate delicious traditional food and shared her belongings.  It is so different from my American way of handling death where it is a unpleasant deed that "you just get through as quickly as possible." Most of the funerals in my family are held on a Friday so everyone can be back to work by Monday.

So as I watched my Mexican family go through this long ritual that I thought it would  be  hard on them emotionally; it was just the opposite.  As they told stories about her life,  they took such pride in the way she taught each of her children to be good parents.  All the little grandchildren knew her songs.  There were tears, but there was also laughter and joy at remembering so many wonderful things about her.

So keep your departed close to your heart and memory; don't close the doors to your feelings right after the funeral.  It is mentally healthy to keep your schedule simple, take time to adjust, and don't feel that you have to get back to a normal routine immediately.  I use hypnosis for my clients when they are in immediate shock and help them to sleep so they can get through the necessary funeral arrangements, but I like to see them about one month after the funeral. Sometimes when time is not taken to process, the business of death keeps people moving, dealing with the arrangements, belongings, contacting insurance companies, burial bills etc. They go through the motions, but they might not have finished their mourning process.  I really don't say much or give directions, but allow the person to say  whatever they need to say to their friend or family member during a hypnotherapy session.  It is a gentle process and helps with the new adjustment.

I teach my clients to continue this dialog before they sleep.  They breathe deeply and quiet their body and mind by telling each part of their body to relax. Some people like to mediate, some people relax through prayer  When they are ready, they express their thoughts, and they empty their mind in stillness.   It is different for each person, but usually people report a feeling of peace, some feel that their departed family or friends have a message for them, others feel closure and acceptance of the death  So try this with a professional counselor who understands hypnotherapy or try it for yourself through self-hypnosis Do this every night or as often as you need it.  May this exercise and healing ritual bring you inner peace.

Here's to your mental and physical health
Doc Judie
775 7823889 judie@docjudie.com
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